Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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