She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
