I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
id be glad to
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
