I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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