i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
