Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
