Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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