you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
