I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
