I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
