Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
