I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
