He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
