Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
