If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
