I wish I could teleport
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
