i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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