Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
