The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
