Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
