I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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