Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize