bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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