Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
that's an acceptable place to lick
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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