Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
