I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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