just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
