i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
