Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
