Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I want her autograph on my taint
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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