I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
