why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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