Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
