the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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