put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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