escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
