so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize