I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
