A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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