It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
