Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
