I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We got so high we made milksteak
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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