i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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