Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
