like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
