Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
id be glad to
Buhtt sex?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
