Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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