If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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