I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
