i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
