Screwed.edu
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
