what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
