So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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