i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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