Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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