shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
