Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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