He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
