I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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