I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
