I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
