i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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