apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
