Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
