mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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