I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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