My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
where are you?
Hypothermia
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
