Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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