I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
