One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm passing your future prison.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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