i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
