she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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