my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
