So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
