went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
