Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
