you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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