My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
