She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
