I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
