At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
