I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
