I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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