Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
