I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
