I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My liver just broke up with me...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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