Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
