oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
