He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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