recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
